One of those days

I  posted this blog a couple of days ago and did not get a good response for it so took it down but then i have gotten sick with a really bad head cold and could not write  today and it got me thinking about this post and i thought why have i took it down as it might not be as popular as some of my other blogs but it is how i feel therefore worthy of being on my blog good or bad.  So here it is again……

Do you ever have one of those days were you want to go far away stand on a cliff and just scream. I have been having some if those days recently, I can’t put my finger on the cause but I have been racking my brain about why and I think I have come up with something. I am stuck. I have been trying to change my life all my life and have got so used to never getting what I truly set out to achieve, I have been settling.

You know that feeling when you do something and you get results but they are never what you expect. They are still good results but not as good as you really want and leave you yearning for more. You see my problem is my past, I say it does not bother me and it doesn’t. However it has affected me without me realising. Since I was a child I never dared to dream. Well that’s not quite true I did dream but not for riches and success but just to live past my childhood and have a family of my own.

I have surpassed any dream I ever had. I have a beautiful family whom I am extremely proud of and love very much. As you will know it’s not a big family but its all I need. I also have a beautiful home, nothing flashy but its all ours. So this is where the problem begins. I have surpassed my dearest wishes so far that I have started dreaming about what I could have achieved if I had a better upbringing, supportive parents, guidance.

I truly feel cheated by life I could have been so much more and this is where my past begins to affect me as it makes me so angry, I want to stand on top of a cliff and scream. I am not sure if I would ever stop screaming for all the years of pain and hurt I have suffered at the hands of others. Someday’s I could sit and cry and then I think of how far I have come, this usually makes me feel a bit better but again I start feeling stuck. So what am I going to do about it?

What is it I want to achieve? I want to write, I want to release all the things locked away in my head, I want/ need to write my life story and get it out of my system once and for all. What’s stopping me ? Money? Yes I need to find a way to make more money so I can free up some time to write. Any ideas!!? Comment below!?! I am not asking you to give me money although you can if you want lol! I don’t mind working for what I have.

How can I fund my dream, I already have one job 9-5 then write 5-9, but the main thing stopping me is me!?!? Why you ask? I am a grown up with a loving family it should be easy. It is not, this book would be the hardest thing I have ever written, it would be something I would read and probably cry and laugh and then feel immensely proud of the author who had written her book based on a true story. So if any one out there in the blogosphere can help me please comment below, I have never seriously asked for help but I have outlived my childhood dreams now I need to start living my grown up dream before it’s too late.

Can you help? Any suggestions in matter how small maybe a massive help to me. Thanks for reading sorry for the rant I had to get this off my chest

Even after my rant I am truly blessed to have achieved what I have and to have the family I have beside me all the way

So still loving being me

Love thegotogirlsblog xxx

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10 thoughts on “One of those days

  1. jasonlikestotravel

    I don’t think you should ever have to take down posts, stick to writing what you want to write about regardless of whether people read / enjoy it.

    As for the future, just keep writing down ideas as and when they come to you. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in the slightest but small steps will help you reach your goals. Maybe set yourself some smaller achievable targets and hopefully that’ll lead to something more positive 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I have never done that before and am not sure why I did it but corrected it by putting it back on I guess I just hate laying my heart on my sleeve I find it hard to put myself out there heart and soul xx thanks for reading I appreciate you taking tine out xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yep, I agree. Write for you, from the heart (as you have done) and that will resonate with people. If it doesn’t, they are the wrong people! It’s a courageous person who shares their vulnerabilities in the way you have. Have you read any of Brene Brown’s work? You have a goal, you know what you want to achieve. Focus on what you can do rather than what is getting in the way. I see so many women in their 40’s and 50’s who are just rocket powered and achieve the most amazing things.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you that is so encouraging I have not read their work is it a book/blog and I will have a look hopefully I will make my dream a reality I never got anything given so I always made it happen and I’ll do the same again xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. In reading your posts a couple strong things came to mind about why you haven’t been the success you thought you wanted to be. Note the phrase “you thought”. You haven’t succeeded because you didn’t think you could. You think then you doubt then you wait to be successful. You have dreams but you sabotage them. You accomplish EXACTLY what you tell your brain to do. In essence, you are what you think. The second you lose focus on what you want – that is the direction you will go in. You were right to put the blog post back up. There are always posts that get more response, but it is not the quantity of response you want, it is the quality. If it connects you with one person you develop a good dialogue with it has been a success. I have one advice to give you if you want to write – you have to learn to write and develop your voice. There are good writing classes on line. I’ve done a few. Lots of fun. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you I love that you take time to verbalize your thoughts and you could be right as I never had a very high opinion of my self but I am working on it and I will take your comments on board and work harder to be the person I know I can be thank you it means a lot that you reached out to me xx🤔😊x

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  4. One thing I have found helpful is to find (or start) a writing group. Sometimes libraries sponsor these. Even just getting together to write with another writer is helpful for me. In one group, we offer prompts and write and then share. In another group, we come prepared with a piece we are working on and present it to the group for helpful suggestions: what parts resonated with me, what parts did I want to know more about… I get together once a week with one group and once a month with the other one. It keeps me on my writer’s toes 🙂 and brings a bit of community to an exercise that is usually rather isolating. Keep at it. Like others, don’t take down any of your posts – they are you!

    Liked by 1 person

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