I posted this blog a couple of days ago and did not get a good response for it so took it down but then i have gotten sick with a really bad head cold and could not write today and it got me thinking about this post and i thought why have i took it down as it might not be as popular as some of my other blogs but it is how i feel therefore worthy of being on my blog good or bad. So here it is again……
Do you ever have one of those days were you want to go far away stand on a cliff and just scream. I have been having some if those days recently, I can’t put my finger on the cause but I have been racking my brain about why and I think I have come up with something. I am stuck. I have been trying to change my life all my life and have got so used to never getting what I truly set out to achieve, I have been settling.
You know that feeling when you do something and you get results but they are never what you expect. They are still good results but not as good as you really want and leave you yearning for more. You see my problem is my past, I say it does not bother me and it doesn’t. However it has affected me without me realising. Since I was a child I never dared to dream. Well that’s not quite true I did dream but not for riches and success but just to live past my childhood and have a family of my own.
I have surpassed any dream I ever had. I have a beautiful family whom I am extremely proud of and love very much. As you will know it’s not a big family but its all I need. I also have a beautiful home, nothing flashy but its all ours. So this is where the problem begins. I have surpassed my dearest wishes so far that I have started dreaming about what I could have achieved if I had a better upbringing, supportive parents, guidance.
I truly feel cheated by life I could have been so much more and this is where my past begins to affect me as it makes me so angry, I want to stand on top of a cliff and scream. I am not sure if I would ever stop screaming for all the years of pain and hurt I have suffered at the hands of others. Someday’s I could sit and cry and then I think of how far I have come, this usually makes me feel a bit better but again I start feeling stuck. So what am I going to do about it?
What is it I want to achieve? I want to write, I want to release all the things locked away in my head, I want/ need to write my life story and get it out of my system once and for all. What’s stopping me ? Money? Yes I need to find a way to make more money so I can free up some time to write. Any ideas!!? Comment below!?! I am not asking you to give me money although you can if you want lol! I don’t mind working for what I have.
How can I fund my dream, I already have one job 9-5 then write 5-9, but the main thing stopping me is me!?!? Why you ask? I am a grown up with a loving family it should be easy. It is not, this book would be the hardest thing I have ever written, it would be something I would read and probably cry and laugh and then feel immensely proud of the author who had written her book based on a true story. So if any one out there in the blogosphere can help me please comment below, I have never seriously asked for help but I have outlived my childhood dreams now I need to start living my grown up dream before it’s too late.
Can you help? Any suggestions in matter how small maybe a massive help to me. Thanks for reading sorry for the rant I had to get this off my chest
Even after my rant I am truly blessed to have achieved what I have and to have the family I have beside me all the way
So still loving being me
Love thegotogirlsblog xxx